really excited about this studio idea… cant wait to start collecting very old things, and planks of wood to put in it…

once i sell this motorcycle that is…

i have never felt less like myself… i am tired of letting myself down…

i am tired of two faces… two faced fuckers who could use their face ripped off…

when are things going to feel right.

perhaps it was lack of confidence…
perhaps it was death…

almost died… alcohol poisoning… can’t wait to go into work and lose my job over missing one day…

too much shooting, so little inspiration…

greg came down to shoot…

the more im here, the more i realize i dont want to be here…

gearing up to shoot, out to buy props and such things today… sperm colored shampoo i suppose, or i could find the real thing…

ohh the worry of disappointing someone…

:EDIT:
i had to get back on here and write…
i was looking at wrestling pics and just realized how much i missed it… not the business itself… that is a piece of shit… but my true friends in the business and the fans… and being able to perform unlike anyone else…

its very sad for me that i may never be able to wrestle again… my career took me 10 years… for those of you who will never see it… to me… it is very disheartening… im a much different person in the ring… and most of you that know me now will never know that person…

anyway… i miss you fans very much…

and to biggie… though i know you and derek dont read this… im very proud of the performer you have become… and very glad that i had a hand in making you so…

and to derek… you made me so proud at elite 8… i dont even have words… i was like a father when i watched your match for the first time and saw how you were able to perform in the ring…

it really does bring tears to my eyes…

i miss you guys very much… and hopefully one day… we will meet, one last time in the ring…